im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
