Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
