I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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