its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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