Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
