So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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