Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
