evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
