Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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