i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
