Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
