I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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