Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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