I'm eating all of the evidence.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
