Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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