He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
