is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
