So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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