3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
