Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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