She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
