Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
...so i touched it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
