Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
