i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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