Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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