i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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