dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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