You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
