there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You're like the curious george of whores
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
