Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
