My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
