I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Can i not drive my cunt home
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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