I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
