I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
