I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize