hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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