i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
