How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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