no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
