I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize