Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Four minutes until I can fart!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
