Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
