Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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