Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
