Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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