Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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