i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
