his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
