like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
