I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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