I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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