He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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