I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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