I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize