Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize