he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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