Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
