hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
