god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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