Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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