sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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