The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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