I only kidnapped one of them. chill
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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