they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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