Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
