I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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