So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
