I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
