I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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