so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
