I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
