I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
