No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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