thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
