The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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