At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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