I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
