i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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