At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
