Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
