Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
