This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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