I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Welp...herpes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
