I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
