Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
