I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
